Self-love is easy to romanticize when you're doing well—when you're productive, positive, and pulling life together. But what about when you're not? What happens when your energy is gone, your emotions feel like a tangled mess, and simply getting through the day feels like an uphill climb? That’s when self-love gets real—and hard. It’s not bubble baths and journaling in golden light. It’s gritty, quiet, deeply personal work. And when you're not feeling your best, it’s also the most important time to practice it.
Let’s explore what self-love actually means during your toughest moments—and how you can show up for yourself even when it feels impossible.
Understanding What Self-Love Really Is
Self-love isn’t a product you buy or a goal you achieve—it’s a mindset and a practice, especially when you’re struggling. When the world feels heavy, and your internal voice turns critical, redefining what self-love looks like becomes essential.
1. Beyond the Highlight Reel
Social media often sells us a version of self-love that’s all aesthetics: skincare routines, solo trips, and smiling selfies. But real self-love is less about performance and more about permission—the permission to be where you are, without needing to fix, filter, or rush your way out of it.
In truth, it’s not glamorous. It might look like canceling plans, eating instant noodles in bed, or simply brushing your teeth after hours of fighting the urge to stay under the covers. It’s not flashy—but it’s real.
2. Love Isn't Always Soft
Sometimes, love is tough. Self-love might mean setting boundaries you’ve been too afraid to set. It could mean walking away from a toxic job or relationship. It might even mean choosing to rest, even when your mind screams that you haven’t “earned it.”
In low moments, the most loving thing you can do might feel uncomfortable—because growth often is.
3. Love Includes the Shadow Work
There’s a quiet kind of bravery in facing your own darkness. When you’re not feeling your best, it’s easy to suppress your feelings or distract yourself with busyness. But self-love means sitting with those feelings. Naming them. Giving them space to be seen.
It’s through this radical acceptance of your whole self—flaws, wounds, and all—that healing begins.
Showing Up for Yourself When It’s Hard
So, how do you actually practice self-love on the days when it’s hardest to feel it? It starts by showing up. Not perfectly, but consistently—and with compassion.
1. Start Small. Really Small.
If the idea of self-care feels overwhelming, start with the absolute basics. Drink a glass of water. Take three deep breaths. Change your clothes. These might feel insignificant, but they’re powerful signals to your nervous system that you’re safe—and worth caring for.
Remember: progress in the hard times doesn’t look like transformation. It looks like survival with intention.
2. Reframe What Counts
You might not be checking everything off your to-do list—but did you get out of bed today? That counts. Did you resist the urge to spiral into negative self-talk, even once? That counts. Did you ask for help, or simply not self-isolate entirely? That matters more than you think.
Reframing success in small, sustainable ways is a key pillar of self-love when you’re in survival mode.
3. Talk to Yourself Like You Would a Friend
You wouldn’t shame a friend for struggling. You wouldn’t say, “You’re lazy” or “You should be over this already.” So why say it to yourself?
Notice your inner dialogue. Is it cruel? Sarcastic? Dismissive? Challenge it. Rewrite it. Offer yourself grace. It takes time, but practicing a gentler inner voice creates the foundation for genuine self-worth.
Building Gentle Routines That Support You
One of the best ways to express self-love—especially during hard times—is through simple, supportive routines that don’t demand perfection.
1. Create a "Bad Day" Toolkit
Think of this as your emotional first aid kit. It might include a playlist that soothes you, a favorite snack, a funny TV episode, or a list of reminders you’ve written for yourself when you’re feeling stronger.
Having go-to comforts ready can make it easier to weather emotional storms when you don’t have the energy to think of solutions.
2. Let Rest Be Part of the Routine
We live in a culture that glorifies productivity—but rest is not a reward, it’s a requirement. When you’re not at your best, your body and mind are working hard just to cope.
Let rest be intentional: take naps, lie in the sun, do nothing for a while. Rest isn’t avoidance—it’s recovery.
3. Set Tiny, Flexible Goals
Rigid routines can backfire when you’re low. Instead, create micro-goals. “Stretch for 2 minutes.” “Text one friend back.” “Open the window.”
Keep your goals realistic and allow room for grace. If you meet them, great. If not, that’s okay. You’re practicing—not performing.
Learning to Accept and Forgive Yourself
Self-love isn’t always about improvement. Sometimes it’s about forgiveness—for mistakes, missteps, and moments you wish you’d handled differently.
1. Make Peace With Being Human
You’re not a robot. You get tired, anxious, overwhelmed. You say the wrong thing. You forget the thing you swore you wouldn’t. Welcome to being human.
Self-love doesn’t demand perfection—it welcomes honesty. It says, “Even when I mess up, I’m still worthy of care.”
2. Practice Compassionate Reflection
When you’re ready, reflection can help you understand patterns without shame. Instead of “Why do I always do this?” try “What might I need when I feel this way?” or “How can I support myself better next time?”
Growth that comes from self-love is gentler, slower—and often more sustainable.
3. Offer Yourself Forgiveness Daily
Forgiveness isn’t a one-time event. It's a practice—one you return to every time you find yourself in regret.
“I forgive myself for what I didn’t know.” “I forgive myself for coping the only way I knew how.” “I forgive myself for not being perfect.”
Say it out loud. Say it often. Say it until it feels true.
Honoring Your Own Journey Forward
When you're low, it’s easy to believe that you're stuck or failing. But self-love is the quiet knowing that even in stillness, you are moving. You are becoming.
1. Progress Is Not Always Visible
Healing happens in the dark. It's in the moments no one sees: when you resist the urge to criticize yourself, when you choose to rest, when you decide to try again tomorrow.
You don't need external validation for internal progress.
2. Your Journey Is Yours Alone
Comparing your healing to someone else's highlight reel is a recipe for self-doubt. Your timeline is valid. Your pace is allowed. No one else gets to define your success.
Honoring your path means embracing the detours as much as the milestones.
3. Becoming Your Own Safe Place
At the heart of it all, self-love is about becoming your own anchor. Your own soft landing. Your own cheerleader.
When you can hold yourself with tenderness through the messiness of life, you’re not just surviving—you’re building a foundation for long-term emotional resilience.
Detour Signs!
Here are five soulful self-love prompts to gently support your journey—even on the days when you don’t feel like doing much at all.
- Sit in Silence for Five Minutes: Let your thoughts wander. Observe without judgment.
- Make a “Comfort List”: Jot down 10 things—big or small—that make you feel safe, loved, or calm.
- Text a Friend “Thinking of You”: Connection is self-care, even in small doses.
- Write a Note to Your Inner Child: Offer the compassion they needed—and still deserve.
- Affirm Your Existence: Try saying, “I’m doing my best. And that’s more than enough.”
A Love That’s Always There
You don’t have to feel good to practice self-love. In fact, the most powerful kind of self-love often shows up when things feel hardest. It's not performative or perfect—it’s quietly persistent. It’s choosing to stay. To try. To care for yourself, again and again, no matter what.
On your worst days and in your lowest moments, let this be your truth: you are worthy. You are lovable. And you don’t need to “fix” yourself to deserve your own love.
That love? It’s yours. Always has been. Always will be.
